Nov 27 2011


Pawtied.Too.Hard.

Filed under It's a Dawg's Life

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Mom and Pop served up a surprise with breakfast this morning. Mom said that we were going to this place called San Marcos so that I could swim and eat pway with Wyatt Ray Dawg again. You know, round two. Smokin’! So off we went.

We met up in the parking lot. Riot Ray looked at me cross-eyed.

So I told the Tripawd how it was gonna be!

Then I tried to eat him….just a little…..all gentle like.

But our pawrents broke up the screaming and growling and barking and cussing and snarling and chomping and took us to the creek!

I think Wyatt was so afraid of the water that he threw up a little.

Then I got kinda worried cause I couldn’t figure out how to get outta there! I was really hoping those chunks weren’t from Wyatt!

Wyatt’s mom, Rene, put this cool float coat on him. I’m a little jealous….why won’t mom get me one of those to match my booties?

Then we played steeeeeeek.

Things started heating up and getting all slippery at the same time.

So we moved upstream and took mud baths instead.

Just when Wyatt Ray and I were working out our differences with that shared mud bath, I got a little boo boo on my chest. Mom says I probably tangled with a tree root as I was barreling out of the mudbath chasing after my nemesis my pal Wyatt!

I think maybe Wyatt’s Mom, Rene, freaked a little. Mom said I was okay since it wasn’t a sucking chest wound. I don’t know what that means, but I took her word for it, and tried to keep chomping pwaying with Wyatt. But Mom wasn’t having any more of that! She said it was suture-time! I thought kewl! Maybe that was another play-date!!!

I was so excited that I tried to eat Wyatt again. But this time, WYATT CHEATED! He stopped me dead chomp with a scruff grip behind my ear that made me have to scream UNCLE UNCLE UNCLE like a gurl dawg or somethin’. What was up with that??? Couldn’t Wyatt see that I was temporarily disabled from that sucking chest wound???

After pop pried my fur outta Wyatt Rays teefers, I loaded up for Suture Time!!!

Well, do you want to know what SUTURE TIME is??? Dawgs, it is a trip to the V-E-T!!! I don’t know exactly what they did to me, but when I came outta that place and dove back into mom’s arms, my ass would not steer right and I couldn’t hold my head up.

Here’s my war injury, all fixed up!

When we got back to the dawghouse, I was so stoned that I had to sleep.

Yeah, I pawtied a little tooooo hard.

But just you wait, Riot Ray! Round three at the Wiley Riot Circus will be MINE MINE MINE!!!!

One response so far

Nov 26 2011


Getting freaky at the Wiley Riot Circus

Filed under It's a Dawg's Life

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Circus freak! Can you believe that’s what my own Mom called me???

I knew something was up a few days ago when mom told me that I was gonna have a special turkey day at the Wiley Riot Circus. I was hoping for a cool trip and my own personal gobbler with gravy and smashed taters. I got gobbled all right!

Cause you see, on Turkey Day, I didn’t get my own turkey circus. But I finally got to meet Wyatt Ray Dawg, this kewl dawg and fellow sheppie who mom thinks hung the moon right after I created the universe.

You know, cause we are so awesome and all! Wyatt lives with his kewl pawrents in their rolling dawghouse and they travel around, sorta like we do. So much for eating a gobbler.

Though I tried to chomp Wyatt. Just a little. On his arse.

But only in the interest of self-preservation. How was I sposed to know that Riot Wyatt was not going to eat me? What with the snarling and gnashing and growling and barking and fussing and doggy cussing that we he did. I had to put Wyatt Ray in his place in MY universe right after he showed me who is boss.

Then I had to show him all about pwaying frisbee. Here I am waiting for Pop to throw it again.

Mom says I have Only Dawg Syndrome cause I didn’t wanna share my frisbee. But I don’t hafta share to learn him, do I?? Cause the most important part of the frisbee lesson at the Circus was learning the keep-away part.

Yo, Wyatt, why you biting the ground, dude? You’re sposed to bite the frisbee! Didn’t you watch me???

That’s ok, Riot Ray! I’ve got your number. Tomorrow, we are gonna get our freak on again!

Outta here!

One response so far

Nov 09 2011


Guinea, Guinea, Guinea

Filed under It's a Dawg's Life

When we are hanging out in the dawghouse, I like to keep mom and pop on their toes, so that they don’t get bored. My bestest way to do this is by playing guinea guinea.

It’s easy to pway. I just find a hidey hole, shove my orange guinea (aka my Bad Cuz) in it, and stare at it until mom or pop feel bad for me and fetch it.

After they fetch it, I just shove it into another hole (a)guinea.

And (a)guinea.

Guinea, guinea, guinea……..

Mom and pop are are such suckers!

No responses yet

Nov 07 2011


Misplaced Aggression????

Eat a palm tree!!!!!

First, locate a sizable palm frondy thingie…

Then stand on it to bully it into submission!

Start by gently ripping the leafy thingies off of the frondy thingie…

Remember to shake your head briskly so all of your pawrents’ pictures turn out blurry.

Do the humpedy-rumpedy as you flick it all about!

Dig in so you file your nails in the process. Less torture from your pawrents later!

Chew briskly but try not to swallow too much because……

You hafta be a happy poser in your mess after beating up that frondy thingie!

 

Next, find another steeeeeeeeeek!!!

2 responses so far

Oct 20 2011


The Dawg’s Den

Filed under Uncategorized

Dawgs! I hate waiting my turn for the puter. Mom is hawg-dawging today.  I have been waiting impatiently in my hidey-hole while I nap the day away.

Don’t I look scary with my glowing eyeballs??? BOO!

3 responses so far

Oct 03 2011


Bloomin’ Groomin’

Filed under Uncategorized

Dawgs! I have been away from the puter for a few days cause we were in a campground that barely had one of those signal thingies. (Rene, I told you I wasn’t gonna eat the internet again!!!) Anyway, mom and pop got fedded up with the crappy campground and I am glad. We moved to a better one a few miles down the road. It’s still corny here, but now I have a signal…and not in my belly! HA! (burp…)

Anyway, so I got tortured today. Mom says I have to practice good hiney-gene. I don’t know what that means exactly, but I try and hide my hiney when she digs in her drawers to get out all of her implements of torture. Check these out!!!!!

She sticks some of that stuff in my orifices….like my mouth and ears. I mean come on dawgs!  I really hate this groomin’ thing.

Every few days, Mom brushes my teefers and scrapes stuff off of them with that wicked pointy thingie. WTH? Mom and pop call me dawg breath – but I am a dawg. Isn’t that what my breath is sposed to smell like????

Oh, and mom says I mulch too much. But how can I be a German Shedder if I can’t mulch? Here’s all of the fur mom brushed off me today. But don’t worry….tomorrow I’ll have more for her to comb out!

I try and behave when mom tortures me. I only moan, and groan, and grumble, and fuss, and snarf, and squirm, and flop, and whine, and jerk, and roll, and twist, and wiggle, and grumble just a little more. Here’s what I think about this bloomin’groomin’ business…..

2 responses so far

Sep 23 2011


Clickin’ and Grinnin’

Filed under Uncategorized

REGRESSED

That’s what mom said I have gone and done. She says I have developed amnesia, forgot my camping manners, and regressed into a state of teenage-hood.

Well, I am not from the hood and I think my camping manners are just fine. Besides, I’m three and a half years old. Teenager? Pfft!

Here are my camping manners that I have been strictly abiding to since we got to Indianers last month:

1.  Bark at alllll strangers in my circle. My circle extends approximately 500′ in every direction from me!

2.  Bark at allll moving objects in my circle, except for cars, motorhomes, and campers, cause they are bigger than me.

3.  Bark at allll non-moving objects in my circle that were not in my circle 30 seconds ago, regardless of size.

4. Bark at allll dawgs in my circle.

5.  Bark at alll birds in my circle.

6.  Bark at alll cats in my circle, except for my own.

7.  The level and intensity of barking and growling increases with regards to the size of other dawgs in my circle. The bigger they are, the badder I hafta be!

8.  Bark and growl at the owners and managers of the campground, because they won’t let me run loose in the campground.

9.  Raise my hackles, growl, and bark like a mad dawg every time  I step out of the dawghouse, to scare off said dawgs, strangers, cats, dawgs, birds, spiders, and imaginary objects that MIGHT be outside the dawghouse or might be contemplating entering my circle anytime in the next year or so.

10. Bark before I poop to announce to the world to back off cause it’s gonna be momentous.

11. Grumble at loud noises….screaming kids, lawn mowers, diesel engines, car doors slamming, people laughing, doesn’t matter. Gotta show them that I am bigger, badder and louder.

12. Bark at any other thing as I feel the need.

13. Sniff the butt of every stranger I encounter in the pet stores. Because, well, they smell like arse!

Mom does not like my camping manners. What’s up with that?? She says my anxiety is gonna get us kicked out of a campground one of these days. I say that I’m just doing my job, which is to guard me, myself, and I, and mom, and pop, and the dawghouse. And to let mom know when something is scaring me   threatening her.

So, now she is clickin’ and I am grinnin’. You see, she read this book about how to HELP (HA) me gain some control over myself and my “anxiety”. So now, mom clicks this silly clicker thingy when she sees me do something right, say when I look at whatever is scaring me  threatening her, and I grin because I get beef jerky.

Little does mom know, but I’ve got this behavior modification thing down! You see, I just pretend to be good, then I get JERKY! I’m still on guard! Mom is such a sucker!!!!

4 responses so far

Sep 19 2011


For all you poo-eaters

Filed under Uncategorized

Instead of foraging in the grass for rabbit-raisins, digging thru the litter box for kitty-cookies, or rooting around for deer-dingleberries, just beg your pawrents for this!

3 responses so far

Sep 08 2011


Riley Pup – On the Wagon!!!

Filed under Technology

My. Name. Is. Riley………………………………And. I’ve. Got. A. Problem.

I am addicted to eating the most expensive household electronics I can get my chompers on (in addition to other stuff, like books, but that isn’t included in this confessional). Yep….that’s right. Remote controls, computer cords, not one but TWO MiFi’s….if it is within my reach, I’m gonna eat it. 

I mean, if it WAS within my reach, I WAS gonna eat it.

You see, I am a changed dawg. No more eating expensive electronics….really.

“I, Riley Pup, do solemnly swear to love, honor, and cherish all things technological and electrical. I promise to respect their greatness, ignore them no matter what neat tricks I imagine them doing, and not chew them or ingest them for as long as they remain expensive and functional.”

In return, I don’t hafta share my blog anymore!!! You see, I promised mom that if she would just let me have my blog ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL to myself (mine mine mine), then I would stop eating the computer stuff, and the remote controls, and the MiFi. And guess what? She agreed!! She created an all new blog just for herself and Pop, called Roadtrippin’ Ramblings, and she wants all of my devoted followers to read her blog too, cause she says writing for an audience is more fun than writing for yourself.

So stick with me, and I’ll learn you all about Livin’ the Life of Riley! And Mom and Pop will tell you about all of our adventures from their perspective! And while you are at it, hows about commenting occasionally to let us know you are lurking or following! We love our lurkers and followers alike!

5 responses so far

Sep 08 2011


Corn, Bridges, and Mills Oh My

Filed under It's a Dawg's Life

When Mom and Pop said we were going on a roadtrip to do some sight-seeing, I was all ears. Since Mom wouldn’t let me drive cause of the whole opposable thumb thing, I settled for seeing the sights from my usual spot in the back seat, marked by my nose prints all over the windows.

We went to this place called Parke County, Indianers.  We took the scenic route through lots and lots of corn fields to get there.

Mom kept an eyeball out for the Children of the Corn. I have no idea what that means. But from dawg-dropping, I think these corny kids must have eaten a bunch of adults!

We stopped at several of these neat things called covered bridges, which I thought looked a little like humongous, holey dawg-houses. Mom and I are posing in front of the Bridgeton Bridge.

We walked back and forth through the neato bridge. And Mom said I made a complete arse out of myself by barking at another dawg who was sight-seeing too. I dunno about arse, because I was just trying to run it off like I do at home when a dawg gets in our yard. You know what I discovered in the process? That bridge barked back at me me me!!

Here we are being posers on the other side of the bridge. Pop hid in the trees and took this picture while mom was taking one of him. I just wanted them to hurry up so I could go make the bridge bark at me s’more.

Later, we stopped at the Mansfield Mill. Here I am looking all handsome. Mostly I just wanted to dive into the water, cause I really miss romping in our creek!

I’m not sure yet where we are sploring next weekend. I can’t wait to make an arse outta myself again though!!

2 responses so far

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