Livin' the Life of Riley

Unbelievable. I will never say I never get sick again, ’cause saying so has made this the winter of illness for me. Two Fridays ago, I woke up feeling crappy, with a little bit of a fever and a little bigger bout of body aches. I rested thru the weekend, but felt better Monday except for an odd, lingering fatigue, so off to work I went. Tuesday I felt even better. But by Wednesday, I was so tired that it was all I could do to drag myself out of my car and into work. I went to bed early with a bit of a sore throat, and woke up feeling as though the bed was on fire and my body had been beaten. I quite stumbled into the bathroom and managed to locate a thermometer. 101. Nice. Still coherent enough to remember that a fever works to incinerate what has infected it while simultaneously slowly roasting oneself, and not being overly alarmed about a fever still below 102, I crawled back in bed without popping any drugs that might have alleviated my misery somewhat. I proceeded to drift in and out of a miserable sleep, being awoken occasionally to terrible muscle pains and horrible bouts of shaking chills as my body steadily worked to cook itself from the inside. Sometime in the early morning, I literally could not tolerate the body aches anymore and gave in to James’ repeated questions of whether I needed anything, begging him for morphine, demerol, or any other fine narcotics that he might be able to come up with at two in the morning, drug-charges be damned. My poor brain processed the fact that I likely had the hiney flu, and in my fever-induced-semi-delirium, I became afraid that I was going to die. After all, I sure felt like I might. I settled for some less than colorful drugs and swallowed a handful of ibuprofens, and after some much needed relief from the incessant body aches, I drifted off to sleep for a few hours. I woke up to a soaked bed. Sheets, mattress cover, quilts, pillow, all absolutely drenched from the horrible sweats I had in my sleep. To add insult to injury, when I awoke, I momentarily feared I had peed myself in my delirium. Then I realized I could not have peed out my ears to soak the bed and pillow that high up. Funny, but I never would have found such incredible relief from that odd realization outside this situation.

James washed the bedding and drug me to the doctor later that morning against my repeated insistence that I felt too stinking bad to go to the doctor and all I really wanted to curl up in a ball and die. After my doc unceremoniously shoved a cotton swab that was as long as my arm up my nose and into my brain, I was informed a little later that the the rapid flu test was negative but I was sent on my way with an RX for Tamiflu and to take it no matter what the results were. Uh, what?? Negative? ‘No freaking way dude’ I said as I hung up the phone, as my fever-fried brain was unable to blurt out a more intelligent comment.

Always the information junkie, I had to read about the tests, thinking it must be a false negative. Sure enough, about 49% of the negatives are indeed false. Apparently the rapid tests have sensitivity issues, particularly in response to H1N1 antigens. I have had the flu before, and while I remember being sicker with the flu a couple of times, this still sure feels like the flu. After all, if it hurts like the flu, smells like the flu, and oinks like the flu, it must be the flu. Or Valley Fever after our adventures in the dust storms in Texas and Arizona (I add that only half-jokingly while thinking that it’s been too long of an incubation period for acute coccidioidomycosis).

So today is day three, I think. I am exhausted, but finally have enough energy to make it back and forth to the kitchen to sort-of fend for myself. I still have a headache, am sore all over, have a stuffy head and cough, and still have occasional sweats that come on with no warning and for no obvious reason. The Tamiflu seems to produce an odd mix of side effects, namely an odd, off-centered, wonky-headed feeling when I stand, vivid dreams that include hearing voices that wake me up, and an irritating increased sensitivity to odors. For example, James gave the kitties catnip last night and I thought I was going to get sick from the smell. And the delicious homemade vegetable soup he made for me – whew, stinky, but delicious. Even worse, Pup’s frito feet, which I normally LOVE to smell, (I know, I am weird), ug…too stinky. Of course, with the exception to the increased olfactory sensitivity, the side effects could arguably be caused by the flu.

So is it the hiney flu or not? Heck, without PCR testing, who knows for sure, but more than likely it is, since it has outcompeted other flu strains this season. What I do know is that it has been a rough ride. I am sick and tired of being sick and tired. But I am incredibly grateful for the Tamiflu, and for the fact that I didn’t suffer from acute respiratory failure and death from it. I am also thrilled that my skin has not turned pink, my nose hasn’t deformed into a snout, my feet haven’t deformed, my ears haven’t grown longer and pointier, and I haven’t grown a curly tail.

I am finally feeling well enough today to at least contemplate a long weekend trip somewhere sometime soon. Perhaps to northern FL to visit family and dive a few springs. Roadtrip!

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