Archive for the 'It’s a Dawg’s Life' Category

Nov 27 2011


Pawtied.Too.Hard.

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Mom and Pop served up a surprise with breakfast this morning. Mom said that we were going to this place called San Marcos so that I could swim and eat pway with Wyatt Ray Dawg again. You know, round two. Smokin’! So off we went.

We met up in the parking lot. Riot Ray looked at me cross-eyed.

So I told the Tripawd how it was gonna be!

Then I tried to eat him….just a little…..all gentle like.

But our pawrents broke up the screaming and growling and barking and cussing and snarling and chomping and took us to the creek!

I think Wyatt was so afraid of the water that he threw up a little.

Then I got kinda worried cause I couldn’t figure out how to get outta there! I was really hoping those chunks weren’t from Wyatt!

Wyatt’s mom, Rene, put this cool float coat on him. I’m a little jealous….why won’t mom get me one of those to match my booties?

Then we played steeeeeeek.

Things started heating up and getting all slippery at the same time.

So we moved upstream and took mud baths instead.

Just when Wyatt Ray and I were working out our differences with that shared mud bath, I got a little boo boo on my chest. Mom says I probably tangled with a tree root as I was barreling out of the mudbath chasing after my nemesis my pal Wyatt!

I think maybe Wyatt’s Mom, Rene, freaked a little. Mom said I was okay since it wasn’t a sucking chest wound. I don’t know what that means, but I took her word for it, and tried to keep chomping pwaying with Wyatt. But Mom wasn’t having any more of that! She said it was suture-time! I thought kewl! Maybe that was another play-date!!!

I was so excited that I tried to eat Wyatt again. But this time, WYATT CHEATED! He stopped me dead chomp with a scruff grip behind my ear that made me have to scream UNCLE UNCLE UNCLE like a gurl dawg or somethin’. What was up with that??? Couldn’t Wyatt see that I was temporarily disabled from that sucking chest wound???

After pop pried my fur outta Wyatt Rays teefers, I loaded up for Suture Time!!!

Well, do you want to know what SUTURE TIME is??? Dawgs, it is a trip to the V-E-T!!! I don’t know exactly what they did to me, but when I came outta that place and dove back into mom’s arms, my ass would not steer right and I couldn’t hold my head up.

Here’s my war injury, all fixed up!

When we got back to the dawghouse, I was so stoned that I had to sleep.

Yeah, I pawtied a little tooooo hard.

But just you wait, Riot Ray! Round three at the Wiley Riot Circus will be MINE MINE MINE!!!!

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Nov 26 2011


Getting freaky at the Wiley Riot Circus

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Circus freak! Can you believe that’s what my own Mom called me???

I knew something was up a few days ago when mom told me that I was gonna have a special turkey day at the Wiley Riot Circus. I was hoping for a cool trip and my own personal gobbler with gravy and smashed taters. I got gobbled all right!

Cause you see, on Turkey Day, I didn’t get my own turkey circus. But I finally got to meet Wyatt Ray Dawg, this kewl dawg and fellow sheppie who mom thinks hung the moon right after I created the universe.

You know, cause we are so awesome and all! Wyatt lives with his kewl pawrents in their rolling dawghouse and they travel around, sorta like we do. So much for eating a gobbler.

Though I tried to chomp Wyatt. Just a little. On his arse.

But only in the interest of self-preservation. How was I sposed to know that Riot Wyatt was not going to eat me? What with the snarling and gnashing and growling and barking and fussing and doggy cussing that we he did. I had to put Wyatt Ray in his place in MY universe right after he showed me who is boss.

Then I had to show him all about pwaying frisbee. Here I am waiting for Pop to throw it again.

Mom says I have Only Dawg Syndrome cause I didn’t wanna share my frisbee. But I don’t hafta share to learn him, do I?? Cause the most important part of the frisbee lesson at the Circus was learning the keep-away part.

Yo, Wyatt, why you biting the ground, dude? You’re sposed to bite the frisbee! Didn’t you watch me???

That’s ok, Riot Ray! I’ve got your number. Tomorrow, we are gonna get our freak on again!

Outta here!

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Nov 09 2011


Guinea, Guinea, Guinea

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When we are hanging out in the dawghouse, I like to keep mom and pop on their toes, so that they don’t get bored. My bestest way to do this is by playing guinea guinea.

It’s easy to pway. I just find a hidey hole, shove my orange guinea (aka my Bad Cuz) in it, and stare at it until mom or pop feel bad for me and fetch it.

After they fetch it, I just shove it into another hole (a)guinea.

And (a)guinea.

Guinea, guinea, guinea……..

Mom and pop are are such suckers!

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Nov 07 2011


Misplaced Aggression????

Eat a palm tree!!!!!

First, locate a sizable palm frondy thingie…

Then stand on it to bully it into submission!

Start by gently ripping the leafy thingies off of the frondy thingie…

Remember to shake your head briskly so all of your pawrents’ pictures turn out blurry.

Do the humpedy-rumpedy as you flick it all about!

Dig in so you file your nails in the process. Less torture from your pawrents later!

Chew briskly but try not to swallow too much because……

You hafta be a happy poser in your mess after beating up that frondy thingie!

 

Next, find another steeeeeeeeeek!!!

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Sep 08 2011


Corn, Bridges, and Mills Oh My

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When Mom and Pop said we were going on a roadtrip to do some sight-seeing, I was all ears. Since Mom wouldn’t let me drive cause of the whole opposable thumb thing, I settled for seeing the sights from my usual spot in the back seat, marked by my nose prints all over the windows.

We went to this place called Parke County, Indianers.  We took the scenic route through lots and lots of corn fields to get there.

Mom kept an eyeball out for the Children of the Corn. I have no idea what that means. But from dawg-dropping, I think these corny kids must have eaten a bunch of adults!

We stopped at several of these neat things called covered bridges, which I thought looked a little like humongous, holey dawg-houses. Mom and I are posing in front of the Bridgeton Bridge.

We walked back and forth through the neato bridge. And Mom said I made a complete arse out of myself by barking at another dawg who was sight-seeing too. I dunno about arse, because I was just trying to run it off like I do at home when a dawg gets in our yard. You know what I discovered in the process? That bridge barked back at me me me!!

Here we are being posers on the other side of the bridge. Pop hid in the trees and took this picture while mom was taking one of him. I just wanted them to hurry up so I could go make the bridge bark at me s’more.

Later, we stopped at the Mansfield Mill. Here I am looking all handsome. Mostly I just wanted to dive into the water, cause I really miss romping in our creek!

I’m not sure yet where we are sploring next weekend. I can’t wait to make an arse outta myself again though!!

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Sep 04 2011


Yoga Schmoga

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Dawgs! I was so excited Friday morning. Mom was up and about before the crack of dawn. I thought I was going to score an early morning walk-about to read my pee mail early while it was still fresh news. Then she snapped on the tube and this funny woman appeared on the screen. She was dressed in a leopard. Mom told me to move cause she was gonna exorcise herself. WHAT? I’m the one who is posed to get exorcisms in this dawghouse.

Then mom proceeds to do this crazy thing called Yoga. I figured that if I was gonna get exorcised, I’d better join in. And so did the Booger.

This is me doing the corpse pose as the woman on the tube commanded us to relax.

And here, Booger is doing the sideways fat cat as the woman barked at us to loosen up.

This is my best attempt at downward dawg.

Here’s The Booger in the Nose Picker Pose.

(Okay, so that wasn’t during the Yoga Exorcism. But I think it is funny.)

And finally, The Booger doing a Cat-syasana.

I think I want to go back to frisbee catchin’ and penguin pounding for my exorcisms. This yoga stuff is just twisted!

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Dec 13 2010


Love me some beaches!

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Dawgs, we had a busy weekend. There’s almost nothing better than roadtrippin with my head out the window to sniff out new places.  Saturday we drive to this place mom and pop called Rockport, to a dawghouse-fixin-place, to have our refrigerator checked out. The we went over to Goose Island State Park, where we saw a humongous, 1000 year old Live Oak Tree.  Check it out…

After that, I met a cousin! Yep, her name is Sam. She’s only three months old, kinda like a mini-me. And boy was she sassy! She was so mouthy that she wouldn’t stop barking at me long enough so she could be still and let mom take our picture. She scared me a little. I don’t mind small dawgs much, but when they make wierd sudden moves I get freaked out a little. Mom fusses cause I tend to show my teefers if they get in my face too much, you know, like I’m gonna bite ’em. Little does she know it is just an act!  Boy, I really wanted to play with Sam. Sure do wish she would’ve been quieter and chilled out some! Her dad said she is trying to counter-surf all ready!

After a really long day Saturday, I crashed hard in the bed, snuggled up to my Beanie.  

On Sunday, we drove down to Brownsville, TX and then over to South Padre Island, to the BEACH! I absolutely love my beaches!! I got to zoom in the sand. And I found a HUGE steek that I wanted so bad! I tried my best to dig a hole underneath it so I could get a really good grip on it to drag it back to the car with me.  Can you believe mom and pop made me leave without it?  They said it was too big to haul back to the dawghouse. That was the mother of steeks! I could have used that thing to fend off those crazy peli-can-eat-dawgs that we saw flying everywhere!! Anyway, I was a good poser for pop.  On our way home, I had to declare my citizenship at the border patrol station. I was a little worried since I still don’t have a pawsport, but mom said it would be okay since I am a german-american citizen. And she was right. Just like when we were in Arizoners, Mr. Border Patrol dude just looked in the back window at me to be sure I wasn’t harboring any illegal dawgs, and sent us on our merry way after another cousin had a good sniff around our car. Wonder what we will get into next week??

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Dec 08 2010


Dawg Exorcisms

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Dawgs, mom says I have too much pent-up energy for this little dawghouse. Just this morning I was zooming in circles on the bed like a mad dawg. Mom bit her tongue, laughed at me, and even videoed it, but she says her technical ignorance is preventing her from posting the video so all of my beloved fans can watch me zooooooom. At home I get regular exorcisms by running free and playing frisbee, steeeek, and ball in the yard and in our field, and by taking long walks up and down our creek. Oh, and I also can run back and forth through the house chasing kitties and my cuzzes, as well as dragging spanky-spider and poundy-penguin through the house at a maddening pace. And when pop and I are outside doing man-stuff, I help him by biting at the tires of the lawn-mower and wheelbarrel, and distracting him by getting in his way with my toys.

We’ve been going for walks around the RV park here, but it mom says it doesn’t exorcise my demons like romping on the beach did at Port Aransas. So she decided to try bike riding with me again. When I was younger and full of even more demons, she used to take me with her for bike rides. I would run beside her and do my bestest not to get my toes ran over.

It took me a little while to remember. First, I just wanted to chomp mom’s tires. Here I am, taking aim.

It took me a little while to get the hang of it again. Mom just wouldn’t go fast enough at first, so I kept getting ahead of her. And I didn’t remember left and right either to know what direction mom was turning at the intersections. I only ran into the bicycle once, but that was because pop took off down a different road chasing a cool bird that him and mom saw. I kept looking over my shoulder to see where he was going instead of watching mom, and even as she was hollaring at me over and over to watch her, I drifted too far to the right and bumped into the bike. Then I got scareded and walked in front of mom’s front tire as she was trying to stop. She almost wrecked trying to keep from running me over. I wound up with a skinned foot pad, which really bites because mom says no more bike riding til it heals. And she said I might have to wear my boots again for running on the pavement so I don’t get any more owies.  Anyway, all that exorcise did get rid of most of my demons. I am napping to get all rested up for bed time!

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Dec 05 2010


Sand spurs, peli-cans, and toys oh my

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Dawgs, we have been lazy today. It is f-f-freezing outside compared to yesterdays sunny weather, so mom and pop didn’t want to go outside to play all day. After a lot of begging and pestering,  I finally convinced them to take me for a really long walk to splore our new neighborhood all proper like. I had lots of pee-mail to read out there! By the time we walked to the shuffle board courts, I had a nasty sticker-fooey between my toes and was hobbling along in pain. After mom tried to get it out herself and said a few bad words, she let pop dig the sticker-fooey outta my foot.  Ahhh….much better, until she whipped out those stupid shoes and made me wear them….IN PUBLIC! It was bad enough that I had to wear them around our house back in Tennessee  after my Fedex buddy brought them (I’m gonna bite his ass for that). But talk about humiliation. I sound like a friggin horse when I walk on pavement….clippety cloppedy, clippety cloppedy.  And people stared at me like I was some sort of freak of nature. I was really embarrassed….at first.

 Then something odd happened. First, this woman smiled at me and told me those were nice shoes. (Really?) Mom told her thanks, and that I was wearing them to keep the sticker-fooeys outta my toes. The woman said that was a great  idea and she hadn’t thought of doing that for her dawg. Later, we saw her running with a Scottie, who I wanted to nibble on, just a little, like my kitties. Then, a nice man pulled up in his car and asked if I was wearing the shoes to keep from getting sand spurs. He said he has german shepherds, and wanted to know what kinda shoes they are and where to get em, because he is going to have his wife buy some for their dawgs. (REALLY?) Hmmm…so I am thinking that maybe mom is on to something after all. The strangers who were staring at me weren’t making fun of me. They think I’m cool in my new shoes! Wowee! Whadda ya think?  

So while we were on our walkabout today, guess what we saw?? Yeah, those scary peli-can-eat-dawgs.  I was so wonked out by the sight of them  that the waves were scaring me, and a plastic bag almost made me poo myself just a little. Mom says she doesn’t understand my fascination and fear with those mother of all big, dark, and holey birds. But what’s not to fear? Those things are huge! I think they are throw-backs from the Pleistocene era. The birds back home don’t look like that. I’m no dumb dumb dawg. I’m not gonna go down the goozle of one of those huge beasts.

So after our long walk, I pranced back to the camper feeling all better about myself, since apparently the strangers staring at me weren’t laughing, but instead were of the opinion that I am one cool dawg sporting my new shoes. I was so happy that I had to dig in my toy basket a little. I packed (okay, mom really did it) all my important stuff, like all my cuzzes, spanky-spider, poundy-penguin, my boners, my little jolly ball, and my ropes.  I try and keep them organized…a cuz here, a rope there. You know, convenient no matter where I am in the dawghouse. Unfortunately, mom keeps pitching them back to my toy basket. Guess I will just have to spread them out again!

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Dec 03 2010


Fun in the Sun

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Whew, what a day. We played and played on the beach today. Here I am streaking out of the water to go get my steeeeeek.

I chased my steeeeeek until I could barely stand up.  Then I chased it some more! 

Pop and I played in the waves  until I was so pooped out that I almost had to lay down in the sand to rest. After we walked back to the camper, I got a BATH outside with the waterhose. I didn’t know that was going to be part of my fun day in the sun. But at least it was warm water! I managed to make it inside the dawghouse and squeek my cuz a few times before I passed out. 

Mom says a tired dawg is a good dawg. I say whatever! Cause after I took a power nap, I was ready to go go go again! Mom snuck this picture of me chasing my Boobits all over the camper after my snoozy….I think we are moving somewhere else tomorrow. I really don’t want to leave the beach, but I can’t wait to see where we are going next!

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